The countdown continues

...the countdown to our viability ultrasound, that is. 2 days, 22 hours, 6 minutes, 54 seconds, 53, 52, 51...

And yes, I still feel like I am going to lose my mind. I thought I was anxious the first time around, before I found out about my loss. Ha! I had no idea what true anxiety was.

I told my husband last night that I have no idea, absolutely no idea, what I am going to do if this pregnancy is not viable. If we lose another baby. I feel like my heart can't handle that again. He tries to be so practical, and basically told me that I don't have a choice. I know he's coming from a different place. His father was killed in a car accident 4 years ago. He knows better than most how unfair life is. But that outlook is obviously not helping my anxiety.

I am especially worried about the physical and emotional toll of a miscarriage. The dance recital is next weekend, June 14 and 15. I can't take a week off to recover physically and emotionally like I did during my last loss. It is just not possible right now, short of being in the hospital. I just hope I don't have to deal with a loss during what should be the most exciting and happy time of year at the studio. It will absolutely kill me.