PgAL brain

I woke up this morning a little after 4am in a straight up panic. I was having what felt marginally like menstrual cramps. What's the only thing to do when you are pregnant after a loss and in limbo, waiting for your next step in this process? Pee on more sticks, of course! (The pictures are at the bottom. Still looking good.)

I was just thinking to myself last night that I was doing pretty well with this whole pregnant after loss thing. I wasn't having panic attacks like I thought I would. I guess I was wrong. I am just counting down the days until we have an ultrasound appointment... first I just need to know when that will be, haha. 

At this point in the process, the pee sticks still reassure me. But once I get past 5 weeks and up until I hear the heartbeat, I know I will be a mess. I had positive HPTs right up until the morning I found out about my missed miscarriage at 9.5 weeks. And my levels were pretty high even then -- 94,000 if I remember correctly. But I had lost the baby at 6 weeks. Since a heartbeat isn't even a sure thing until around week 7, I am having anxiety about the first week of June. Fortunately, it is a really busy time for me at the dance studio -- the last week of classes before the recital, opening number and production rehearsals, last minute recital prep, etc. I will be (somewhat) distracted.

Can't wait for those betas on Monday!