12 and 13 weeks

I was out of town last weekend, so I decided to combine 12 and 13 weeks.
 
How far along? Today I am 12 weeks, 6 days

How big is baby? Peach -- since the baby was measuring ahead on Tuesday, I think it's safe to say that.

Total weight gain/loss: 138 lbs (down 1 lb overall, down .5lb from last week). 
This part is weird for me. To most people, I have always looked like I weigh less than I do. Doctors and nurses typically guess about 15 to 20 lbs less than I actually am, but I am muscular from the regular dancing, so I'm guessing that's where the extra weight comes from. I think what might be happening is that my muscle mass is decreasing due to the decreased activity, so that's why I'm not officially gaining weight. Because I do feel like I am getting bigger.

Maternity clothes? No

Stretch marks? No

Sleep? I have been sleeping ok for the most part.

Pregnancy dreams? I did have a dream just before 12 weeks that we were having a boy. The next morning I got a call that our MaterniT21 results came back (very low risk) and there is the presence of the Y chromosome. But we won't know for sure for a while because it could have been the vanishing twin.

Best moment this week? Ultrasound at 12w3d. Arms, legs, little face. So much different from the 9+ week ultrasound.

Miss anything? I had a sip of wine last weekend. Shhh. :)

Movement? Not yet.

Food cravings? Fried food

Anything making you queasy or sick? During week 11 and the first part of 12, I had a very rough time. I was unable to take any of my vitamins and was still struggling to keep stuff down. Nausea, gagging, dry heaving, and a little bit of vomiting were the norm. But I seem to be coming out of that now. I still need to eat smaller meals than normal, but I can take my vitamins again. Except my iron supplements, which my OB said was ok.

Team Green/Finding Out? Finding out.

Labor signs: Not for a while.

Symptoms: Slight nausea, slight fatigue. My skin doesn't heal as fast from minor abrasions as it usually does. I also noticed some prominent veins in my groin to hip region.

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or moody most of the time? Happy.

Any milestones this week? We're at the end of first tri now!
 
Looking forward to: Another ultrasound on Monday. They want to get some more angles for the NT scan, but so far it looked good.

Bump pic from 12w4d - this will be my official 12 week pic, and I'll probably do another one on Sunday or Monday for 13 weeks.

 

And here's the 12w3d ultrasound pics. The first one is the fist bump one. (Ok, so really the baby was probably going to suck its thumb...)

 

Too many damn exclamation points

Anyone who knows me well knows that I can't stand the overuse of exclamation points. I barely ever use more than one exclamation point. Like hardly ever. I have to tell you this so that you can all be amused by what the tech did at my ultrasound this morning:

I actually considered asking her to remove the exclamation points, but thought that would be a bit rude. My husband says he will photoshop them out for me.

Anyway, baby is measuring right on track with a heartbeat of 179 bpm. The dark spot on the bottom right is the vanishing twin. It's interesting, because I've been telling myself that it's getting smaller. But they measured the baby in there at 6w2d, which is actually (a) about the same size as it has been for the past 2 weeks and (b) a little bit bigger than the baby that we lost in our first missed miscarriage, which measured about 5w6d. So I realized that the sac is not actually getting smaller, it's just that Baby A is getting bigger. I just didn't realize because I've never been able to see a baby grow until now. Which is amazing.

I actually think I might be able to start settling down and enjoying this pregnancy now. We have two more loss milestones to beat. One is tomorrow, which is the day in the last pregnancy when we found out about the missed miscarriage. The other one is Saturday, which is the day that I actually started the physical part of the miscarriage. We'll be 10 weeks on Saturday. I think a huge weight will be lifted off my shoulders then. It will be helpful when I can start hearing the heartbeat on the doppler, too. Still no luck. (Although now I know that I was looking way too low. Baby is way over to the left when I'm looking down and not too far below my belly button. Maybe I have a short pelvic area?)

By the way, is it just me, or does this baby already have huge feet?  My husband wears a size 13.

Twins. For now.

Yes, it's true. For now, we are expecting twins. 

Baby A has a heartbeat in the 150s and was measuring a little small. Baby B is uncertain. I don't really trust the abilities of the doctor who did the ultrasound. The machine was new and she really struggled with it. So I will wait for my follow up ultrasound in 7-10 days to see what happens for Baby B. I'm going to stay positive, but realistic. Baby B probably has a 50/50 chance.

25 hours to go...

We're getting so close to tomorrow's ultrasound. Thank goodness, because I don't know how much more of this my heart can take!

Fortunately, today is a really busy day with recital preparation. I have to do some choreographing for our opening number -- we have rehearsal tonight. I'm also working on some last minute costuming and accessorizing. Here's hoping today flies by!

I had a dream last night that I was bleeding. Scary stuff that doesn't help my PgAL brain. Ugh. 

Song of the day. Mostly. :)

 

The countdown continues

...the countdown to our viability ultrasound, that is. 2 days, 22 hours, 6 minutes, 54 seconds, 53, 52, 51...

And yes, I still feel like I am going to lose my mind. I thought I was anxious the first time around, before I found out about my loss. Ha! I had no idea what true anxiety was.

I told my husband last night that I have no idea, absolutely no idea, what I am going to do if this pregnancy is not viable. If we lose another baby. I feel like my heart can't handle that again. He tries to be so practical, and basically told me that I don't have a choice. I know he's coming from a different place. His father was killed in a car accident 4 years ago. He knows better than most how unfair life is. But that outlook is obviously not helping my anxiety.

I am especially worried about the physical and emotional toll of a miscarriage. The dance recital is next weekend, June 14 and 15. I can't take a week off to recover physically and emotionally like I did during my last loss. It is just not possible right now, short of being in the hospital. I just hope I don't have to deal with a loss during what should be the most exciting and happy time of year at the studio. It will absolutely kill me.